A Destiny Lost
by Katfosel
Summary: All is peaceful in Camelot, until Morgana decides to come along and ruin Merlin's otherwise normal day by raising yet another army of the dead. But this time, allowing Arthur to escape will demand a price - is it one the warlock will be willing to pay?
1. Sacrifice of a Friend

**:D I seem to have resigned myself to the fact that I am going to **_**freaking die.**_** I now have six active fanfics, and the one that I was keeping as a one-shot just got updated. So now I'm going to feel obligated to update it **_**more**_**. *facepalm* RIP me. I swear this new fic will kill me.**

**Plus I need to draw pictures to go with Catching Petals! T.T so sesame2009, since you live closest to me, will you make sure and cremate me? I kinda don't want to be buried. Anywho.**

**I might make another one-shot. *slaps self* AGH WHY? Why am I so suicidal? Ignore me. Just read this effing fic. *starts to crawl away into emo corner with laptop* I will be in my emo corner if you need me. Typing. Crazily. Suicidally.**

**This takes place… I wanna say sometime after season four, but I haven't seen the last two episodes so forgive me if I get something wrong. Well, I've seen parts and snippets, and read the descriptions on the merlin wiki, but other than that… haven't seen them. Sigh.**

**I will see you all in the afterlife... :3**

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Merlin groaned. Why did it always have to be him? 'Go muck out the stables, Merlin.' 'Go clean my armor, Merlin.' And now, 'Go deliver these to the guards in the South Tower, Merlin.' There were _countless_ servants in Camelot all more than willing to serve, but who did the mighty king pick on? His manservant. Of course.

If only magic wasn't banned. If only he could just recite a spell and send the scroll to the guards without having to walk _halfway across Camelot _for some stupid errand that was more suited for the messengers to do. Heck, it _was _supposed to be a job for a messenger. But 'clumsy old Merlin' got stuck with it.

Typical.

However, Merlin had the nagging feeling that today was going to be different. It was like his sixth sense that warned him whenever Arthur was in danger. And today just seemed to ooze dangerous. Just great. On top of all of his chores, now he had to save his king and Camelot. _Again._

Sighing, the manservant tugged at his red neckerchief with his free hand and readjusted his grip on the scroll in his other. Jogging slightly, he evaded carts and people loading their goods to market as he made his way across to the South Tower, where the guards evidently required some all-important message. Maybe he could warn them to keep an even sharper eye out today. No, that was stupid. Who would listen to 'simpleminded Merlin?' No guard would ever listen to a servant's advice. But time and time again the same idiot guards got knocked out in the crossfire from either somebody _inside_ Camelot being possessed/being on the enemies side trying to get out, or somebody _outside_ Camelot breaking in. Or of course the countless times that Merlin or somebody else had broken someone out of the dungeons. Stupid guards. And yet none of them ever resigned. They believed it was an 'honorable duty' to protect Camelot with their lives, when they really just get knocked out at the beginning of some important event and don't come round until they're either dead or the battle's over. Merlin was definitely glad he wasn't a guard.

Finally reaching the tower, he took the stairs three at a time and arrived at the top, panting and slightly out of breath. He leaned against the wall to rest for a moment then continued on to the guardpost. "I have a message from King Arthur," he explained, handing one of the guards the scroll. All he received was a grunt and a gloved hand reaching out and snatching the message. Rolling his eyes, Merlin gave a slight bow and flew back down the stairs and across town. Bursting into Arthur's chambers, back in the palace, he doubled over, gasping for breath.

"Need some help there, _Mer_lin?" the usual prattish voice announced. Looking up with a glare, Merlin narrowed his eyes at the king of Camelot, who was perched behind his desk calmly inscribing something with a quill. With a raised eyebrow, the 'prat' grinned at him snarkily then went back to scribbling on his paper. His manservant regained his breath and flicked his head in that 'oh-of-course-blame-it-on-the-manservant' trademark look.

Approaching Arthur's desk, he gave a mock bow and said, "Is there anything else I can help you with, _sire_?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," the king drawled, not looking up. "Deliver this note to Gaius, and this note to Agravaine, and this one to… ah yes, Gwaine. Then you can polish my armour." He loaded all three scrolls into his exasperated manservant's arms and smiled cheerfully. "Off you go!"

Of course his Royal Prat had to be interrupted by the loud boom that echoed from somewhere in the vicinity of the throne room.

Cursing, all snobbiness vanished, Arthur grabbed Excalibur and brandished it at Merlin. "Get my armour!"

"Would you like it to be polished first, sire?" Merlin asked with a straight face, doing his best impersonation of George the Bootlicker. "Or shall I just fetch it-"

"NOW, MERLIN!" Sighing, Merlin scurried off to the other room and grabbed the armour. Thankfully Arthur tended to wear his chainmail a lot, so forty pounds were spared from the manservant's load. Grunting under the weight, he made his way slowly back into the main bedroom, then quickly strapped on every piece, fingers flying. As an afterthought he grabbed the signature red cape and nearly throttled Arthur while wrestling it around the king's neck.

"Merlin, just _finish and let's get the hell out there!" _Merlin just grinned and dashed off to grab his own sword, and followed the billowing crimson cape out of the chambers.

They emerged into a rather silent hallway. "What the hell?" Arthur muttered, but continued running towards the throne room. To his surprise the door was already open. Well, it was blown off it's hinges and in pieces on the floor. But whatever.

Standing in the room was an angry knot of knights – Leon, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan with swords drawn and pointed at… oh great. Morgana. Merlin sighed inwardly. _Why does it always have to be her? And I had less chores than usual today too._

"Nice of you to join us, Princess," Gwaine announced tersely, but with a hint of his usual swagger. Arthur grit his teeth.

"I am the king, _Sir Gwaine._"

"Oh, right. Sorry, your Queenshipness."

Growling, the king strode forward with Excalibur drawn and leveled at Morgana's throat. She was sitting rather nonchalantly on _his throne_, with a mocking grin on her face and several dead guards at her feet. "So lovely to see you!" she said sweetly, but eyes flashed with a malice that completely ruined the tone.

"What do you want, Morgana?" Arthur hissed. He didn't want to go through this again. Being betrayed by his sister was bad enough – for her to keep attacking him and trying to gain control of Camelot for what, the third time? – it was starting to push it. Knitting his eyebrows, he took a step forward, still several feet from his multiple-time-usurper.

"Nothing much," she said in a singsong voice. "Just the throne of Camelot and your head. Separate from your body, of course."

"Why do you keep doing this?" he spat. "I have done nothing to you! You seek to punish me for my father's crimes, and he was a great man! The only thing you have left to gain from killing me, satisfaction aside, is my crown. And there is no way I will let you have it."

Morgana raised both eyebrows. "You may not have much choice. And you're right, you've never really hurt me directly – but I know someone who has." This statement was accompanied by a pointed glare at Merlin, who shifted slightly but stared back defiantly. Arthur was confused. His servant? What had Merlin done? He made a mental note to question the boy later.

"Plus, you may not have a choice," Morgana added menacingly. With a golden flash of eyes, Arthur and the rest of his knights were knocked backwards, but in some weird fluke Merlin remained standing. Possibly because he was farther back, or because Arthur's sister had excluded him. Probably the latter. As if to prove his point, said evil witch raised herself from the throne and stalked forward towards Merlin. Instinctively the manservant stepped in front of Arthur and raised his sword defensively.

"Idiot!" Arthur spat, trying to get up, but the spell acted like an invisible force, keeping him on the ground. Now Merlin was in danger. Just great. That idiot manservant just _had_ to have slighted Morgana somehow in the past, and now the boy was going to pay for it. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ Merlin.

The thought flashed across Arthur's mind that Merlin was going to pay with his life. But the king refused to consider that and desperately sought to break free from his bonds.

"Why?" The sadness in Merlin's voice made even Arthur stop struggling for a moment. Morgana froze and narrowed her eyes at the servant. "Why are you doing this?" Merlin asked again, his expression showing nothing but sorrow. "You've turned against Camelot. Yes, you have magic, and I know Uther killed all the sorcerers and magic folk alike, but that does not mean you have to take it out on Arthur. Let us go, and you can have the throne. But you don't have to kill us. You don't have to kill _your brother._"

The king froze. Why was Merlin saying this? There was no way he would let his _manservant_ surrender Camelot for him. He didn't make the decisions.

"What?" Morgana snarled. "You want me to just let you go? Fine, I'll admit, the only reason I have quarrel with Arthur is the crown he wears so arrogantly upon his head. But there is no way I will ever let _you_ go."

Arthur decided he needed some answers, _now._ "Merlin," he said through gritted teeth. "Why does she keep talking like you poisoned her or something?"

"Because he _did _poison me," Morgana spat. Arthur's jaw gaped. Seeing his expression, his sister smiled cruelly. "Surprised? I don't see why. He's just the right type for it too." Her voice grew from singsong to something darker, more sinister. "Hemlock. Remember, _Merlin_?"

"You what?" Arthur gasped. Merlin turned his head slightly, and the king could see the palpable regret in the servant's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "But it's true. The curse that was keeping all of Camelot asleep, when the Knights of Medhir attacked, was centered around Morgana. The only way to break the spell was to kill her." The whisper lowered until it was barely audible. "I had to save you, Arthur. Even if the only way to do it was to let Morgana drink water infused with hemlock."

Then the manservant did the most reckless thing he'd probably ever done in his clumsy life. He charged Morgana with the sword that in the past he'd had a tendency to drop. And aimed it at Arthur's sister's chest.

o.O.o

Merlin knew he had to do it. It was the only way – distract Morgana enough so that she had to cast a different spell to keep him away, thereby releasing Arthur and the others. "Run when you can!" the manservant cried and lunged forward, blade outstretched.

"Merlin! _NO!_" Arthur yelled desperately, but it was too late.

With a snarl and a quick muttered spell, "Onbregdan," the sword was yanked out of Merlin's grasp and into her hands. However much the manservant knew what was going to happen, he felt the wall of magic behind him that was holding Arthur disappear as Morgana's attention was diverted. His mission was complete.

So Merlin closed his eyes and waited for the sharp stab of agony that would soon consume him.

o.O.o

Arthur felt the magic imprisoning him vanish and scrambled to his feet, just in time to watch the silver blade of Merlin's sword piercing him brutally in the side. "No!" he screamed, but it was too late. Crimson blood blossomed across the back of his manservant's beloved leather jacket, and a small cry of pain was torn from the raven-haired boy's lips.

Growling in annoyance, Morgana tore the blade back brutally, but not before smiling cruelly and twisting it while it was still imbedded in Merlin's chest. A small gasp of searing agony escaped before Merlin slumped to the floor. He turned his face towards Arthur, screwed up in pain, and mouthed the word 'Go!' before flopping back over and becoming limp. Percival and Leon had to grab their king's arms and drag him back, out of the throne room.

Unknown to all of them, Merlin had managed to gasp a spell that constricted Morgana's magic for a precious few moments, and then one that would send her away to a remote region of the woods. Judging by the magical staff in her hand, she had started to raise some skeletons again to help her take over Camelot, but had arrogantly assumed she'd easily be able to defeat the motley crew that had stormed the throne room first. How wrong she had been.

With a cry of rage, Morgana was enveloped in winds and transported far away. Arthur and the knights took this as her way of retreating, and frantically scrambled over to Merlin, who was lying on the ground, the blood slowly pooling around him. A bolt of panic shot through Arthur when he saw that his manservant was staying so very, very still. "Merlin?" he rasped frantically, putting a hand on his friends' – yes, his friends' – shoulder and turning him over very carefully. "Merlin, you have to live. Let's get you to Gaius."

"No…" the manservant breathed. "You have to get out. Morgana managed to raise some… aahh… of the dead again. You have to… run… while you still can." Every rise and fall of his lungs pained him greatly, Arthur could see plainly.

The king almost whimpered, but his pride would subconsciously kill him if he tried that, so instead it came out a desperate plea – "Merlin, no. You're coming with us."

With difficulty, the manservant shook his head, and his blue eyes flooded with sad pain. "Arthur… I always wanted you to know… but I guess Gaius will have to tell you now." Then his incredibly soft voice grew urgent. "Get… Gaius out. Bring him with you. You have to… escape…" Merlin's eyes began to flutter. "Just stay… until I'm gone… and then you can leave…" Slowly his eyelids began to close. "Promise me you'll survive, Arthur…" he said with a terrible note of regret in his tone. "You have to… survive… so you can live… and become the king that Camelot needs. You are… the once and future king."

"No." This time Arthur did whimper. "You can't die. You've always survived. You'll survive this time, too." A tinge of panic became apparent, and he blustered, "I'll use magic to heal you! Anything. Just stay alive."

"You really mean that?" Merlin gasped, eyes wide. "You'd allow magic… just to save me? Like with your father?"

"Even if he doesn't, I'll find someone!" Gwaine snarled. "You're not leaving, Merlin. There's no way I'm letting my only friend die for something stupid like this. Come on. We're going to find a sorcerer, or something…" his voice trailed off.

Merlin shook his head painfully. "No. But Arthur… know that I'm so proud… you finally can accept magic… now that I'm gone…"

Arthur started to object, but his manservant raised a hand, silencing him. "Promise me… you'll escape… and live to be the once and future king? I've protected you all these… years… and there's no way… I'm going to let you die now… and you should know… I can finally rest… because you've accepted… magic…" Finally Merlin yanked his eyes fully open and fixed Arthur's blue eyes with his own intense ones. "Promise you'll lift… the ban on magic… for me? I've seen too many… innocent people die… because of that law." As his eyes drifted closed, he smiled. "Magic isn't evil… it's the people that misuse it… like Morgana… although that was partially my fault… I couldn't help her when she… needed it most… and for that… tell her I'm sorry. Goodb-"

Merlin began to choke a little. "Goodbye… and thank you…

_Arthur."_

"No…" A few tears slipped down Arthur's cheeks as he watched those brilliant blue eyes close for the last time. And they'd never open again.

"You heard him, we have to move!" Gwaine said harshly, but his hand trembled. "Come on, Arthur," he added in a whisper. Numbly, the king allowed himself to be pulled away from the still form of his servant and pushed, stumbling down the hall. They cut corners and avoided the skeletons that were plaguing the palace, before reaching Gaius' room.

Opening the door, they found the old physician holding his medicine bag and packing a few small bottles into it. When the knights burst in he looked up sharply, then nodded and hobbled after them. "We have to hurry, Gaius," Leon said in a low tone.

With his familiar quirky raised eyebrow, Gaius stopped and glared at them.

"Where's Merlin?"

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

** merlin. Sigh. Don't worry, he's not **_**completely**_** gone.**

**~DeaththeKidKat**


	2. Fires of Mourning

**Let's hope I get around to actually finishing this. Without crying. Don't worry, I was kidding. I don't usually have feelings, so…**

_**CeCe:**_** almost, but not quite. :3 you'll have to wait and see! it made me really sad writing it, too… **

**I usually only add the unsigned reviews here. Like, the ones where people who don't have an account review. :D**

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Arthur stopped and just stared at Gaius for a moment, at a loss for what to say. "I…" he whispered brokenly.

Leon, thankfully, stepped in for him. "We had to leave him behind, Gaius," he explained quietly but urgently. His eyes, however, which were glistening with unshed tears, showed how much he actually cared. "He took the blow for Arthur. We have to go, now."

Gaius visibly staggered back and looked like he'd forgotten to breathe for a second. It shocked all of them, the normally calm and all-knowing physician as bewildered as the rest of them. Then he recovered. "Oh, you stupid boy," he whispered to himself. "You stupid, stupid boy. You can't possibly try… _that…_" Then he shook his head and ushered the rest of them out. "You're right, we need to get moving," he tried to order, but his voice cracked as he hobbled out of the room quickly.

They hurried down the corridors and exited the castle through the tunnels, emerging into the forest. Elyan, who was at the back of the group, let out a gasp and pointed up into the sky. "Look! Arthur, look!"

The rest of them spun around and gaped. With a roar, the Great Dragon came soaring out of nowhere, right above the treetops, rattling the branches and nearly knocking the humans off their feet. With a clearly inraged snarl, the beast descended on Camelot and appeared to tear apart the roof of the palace. Leon let out a small cry of dismay, but kept watching. Letting his massive forelegs dip inside the tear, the dragon appeared to hoist something out, before letting out another lamenting cry and flapping hard to lift himself up, flying above them. As the magnificent creature hurtled right above the forest above the fleeing group's heads, Arthur finally let out a small yell of what sounded like anger, and pointed to what the dragon had in his claws. Briefly the knights caught a glimpse of what looked like…

A red neckerchief.

"He's got Merlin!" Gwaine burst out, enraged. "Bad enough we had to leave him behind, now that scaly slime is going to eat him!"

"Calm yourself, Gwaine," Gaius ordered, a single tear slipping down his cheek. "Kilgarrah is simply mourning his brother. We must keep moving." And leaving his stunned entourage behind, the elderly physician continued on through the forest.

Percival raised an eyebrow. "What'd he mean by that?" Nobody could answer.

Suddenly, a breathless cry from behind made the knights spin around, drawing their swords. Arthur readied Excalibur, then sheathed it again when he realized who it was, running towards the dirty figure. "Guinevere!" he exclaimed, hugging her, but the smile never reached his blue eyes, which were still dull and rather lifeless.

"What's going on?" she asked tearfully, noticing her husband's overwhelming sadness. "Why are there skeletons attacking?"

"Morgana's raised an army of the dead again," Arthur explained, although his tone had gone back to a monotone of sorrow. Gaius noticed they weren't following and came back to see what was going on. He sighed and smiled, but just like Arthur, it never reached his eyes.

The Queen of Camelot rushed to the old physician and grasped his hands. "Please, Gaius! Will you tell me what's going on? Why is everybody so sad? And…" It started to dawn on her. "Where's Merlin?"

Nobody answered. Gwen whirled on Arthur, desperate. "Where is he?" A choked sob made her spin around again, but to everyone's surprise it came from a very unusually-sober Gwaine. In answer he held out his hand. Clasped in it was a piece of Merlin's neckerchief, which had torn off and been picked up by the grief-ridden knight. Gwen snatched it and stared at it disbelievingly.

It was stained with blood.

"No," she whispered, clenching the scrap of fabric tight, tears falling unbidden. "This isn't true. He's not… then the dragon…" Now her eyes were alight with anger. "Did the dragon take him? Why? Arthur! _Tell me what's going on, now!_" Everybody jerked back a little at her enraged tone.

"Gwen," Arthur said, voice cracking. "He's gone."

Gaius shook his head. "Not yet. We have to give our final farewells. Let us move farther away from Camelot, and there we can meet up with Kilgarrah."

o.O.o

On their walk, Gaius explained everything. Starting a skim of the Purge, Balinor and Kilgarrah – the Great Dragon – and how Uther tricked them both. Balinor falling in love with a woman.

"You know her, incidentally," Gaius glanced at Arthur. The king shook his head, confused. With a sigh, the physician pushed aside a drooping fern and just said, "Hunith. They had a child, but not before Balinor was forced to flee Ealdor, pursued by Uther. He never came back."

"They had a child- Merlin?" Gwaine gasped. Gaius nodded.

"Merlin never knew his father."

Arthur let out a sort of moan and dropped his head into his hands. "Oh, Merlin," he said softly. "I told him, after Balinor died, that no man was worth your tears. But his _father…_ oh, I'm such an idiot."

"Took you long enough, princess," Gwaine said, trying to joke, but his voice was dull.

Gaius continued on with his tale – of Merlin's entire life. Merlin. Clumsy yet graceful. Weak yet strong. A servant. And the most powerful warlock the world would ever see. Arthur couldn't wrap his head around it – his manservant, with more strength than he'd ever shown them before? Merlin, the clumsy, annoying, _loyal_ idiot of a friend who never failed to be there when times were dark. When all seemed lost, a goofy smile could make everything seem better. When they were on the brink of defeat, a laugh and a flash of bright blue eyes could brighten the darkness and give hope. When they had nothing left, he was always there to reassure them that, somehow, everything would be better.

But now there was no goofy smile. No laugh. No hopeful blue eyes. No reassuring words.

Merlin was gone.

o.O.o

Finally they reached a large clearing. With a roar, Kilgarrah dropped from the sky, trailed by a small streak of white. Spreading his massive wings, he skidded to a stop, careful to land on his hind legs. Sitting back on his haunches, he held out his forelegs and gently lowered them until they were only a few feet off the ground. The small white streak turned out to be another dragon, much smaller, not much bigger than a dog. With a whimper the little dragon reared on his hind legs to reach Merlin and nuzzled him slightly with a squeak. There was no reply. With a mournful wail, the poor little white creature leaped up onto the warlock's chest and curled up on top of his wound.

A tear slipped down Arthur's face, and he did nothing to wipe it away. Kilgarrah looked at Gaius, who nodded and whispered a few words to the knights. They nodded and quickly moved off, and soon a long 'bed' of logs and twigs was set up. Arthur had grabbed an extra sword from a dead guard, and this he held at the ready as the Great Dragon placed Merlin onto the cloak that Gwaine had laid out. Carefully Arthur laid the sword so that the blade was pointing towards the warlock's feet, and wrapped both of his manservant's arms around the hilt. Then he stepped back into the small circle made of himself, Gwen, Gaius, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Leon, and Kilgarrah. The white dragon remained curled on Merlin's wound.

"Aithusa…" Kilgarrah said quietly, but the white dragon just raised his head, blinked at his guardian once and wriggled around a little so that his head was facing Merlin's face. He dipped his head once to the last Dragonlord, then closed his eyes and settled closer so that his muzzle was touching the man's chin.

The Great Dragon heaved a sigh and motioned to Elyan to start.

"Merlin…" the knight started, then barreled on. "You were always there, following us – following Arthur – on every quest, no matter how dangerous. Now that I've learned of your gifts, it just shows how many times you've saved all of our lives. I can never repay that debt, and for that I am deeply sorry. Goodbye, and rest well."

Next was Leon. "You were always honest, telling us of every threat that Camelot could possibly face. Like Elyan said, you've saved our lives – and Camelot – countless times. We owe you great thanks, and you should know you will always be remembered as one of the greatest men Albion has ever seen."

"I have not known you for long," Percival started, "but just long enough that I can see how great you truly were. Always at Arthur's side, you have protected the people of this kingdom with your life, and for that we all thank you."

"You were the first true friend I ever had. No matter what I do, or how many times I tease you or mock you, you've always been there. There will never be another as brave as you, as kind as you, as good as you. Goodbye, Merlin." Gwaine clutched the scrap of the warlock's neckerchief, which he had retrieved from Gwen, and added a few tears to the existing stains on the battered red fabric.

"You were a servant, just like me," Gwen began, tears streaking her cheeks. "You understood everything, you were there when I needed it, you healed my father twice, and tried to take the blame for the sorcery committed that I was sentenced to death for. No one could ever ask for a truer friend. Even after Arthur banished me, you tried to help. You were always too kind. I will miss you."

Gaius let out a shuddering sigh. "Merlin. When you first arrived in Camelot, you were but a boy, aware of the dangers and yet utterly ignorant of them. You were innocent, untested and untried. Since then I have watched you grow from a naïve, cheeky boy to a competent, powerful young man wise beyond your years. I have stood by your side as you stood by Arthur's, protecting him and trying desperately to become what destiny desired – the great warlock, Emrys, who will work together with the Once and Future King to unite Albion and forge a legacy that will never be forgotten. You have practiced magic, good through and through, in a kingdom that would have you executed for it. I have never known anyone more stupid, or brave, in my life. May the Mists of Avalon guide you to the light, so you will watch over Albion forever more. And know that even though Balinor is your father, I have long considered you as good as a son to me. We will never forget you."

Arthur stepped forward and gently touched Aithusa's white head. The dragon didn't stir, so the king took a deep breath and began his farewell. "When we first met, I was arrogant and young. Naïve. We both were. That battle… I said I could take you apart with one blow. You said you could take me apart with less than that. Only now do I truly appreciate what you've done, what you could have done and what you refused to do. My father once said it was like I had a guardian angel watching over me, and I guess I did. I was just too stupid to realize it. I hope you'll forgive me… you deserve Avalon. A place with the greatest heroes. It was like you asked me once – 'If I die, will you call me a hero?' I told you yes. And now it seems it's true. You were the greatest hero Camelot has ever seen, the most powerful and good, even if you are a creature of magic. I see now my father was wrong. He let one bad sorcerer corrupt _him_, and has been condemning the innocent ever since. I want you to know…" he hesitated. "I have decided that as soon as I regain control of Camelot, I will lift the ban on magic. In your memory – the memory of the greatest warlock… and the greatest friend the world has ever known. Goodbye, Merlin."

All that was left was Kilgarrah. He lowered his head and touched Merlin gently on the forehead. "You were the last of your kind, the last Dragonlord, the great warlock, Emrys. You may rest for now, safe in the arms of the gatekeepers of Avalon, and watch this battle unfold. You will not be forgotten, for you have a destiny like no other. I will watch the Once and Future King for you until you can be reunited again. Goodbye, my brother. And rest."

With those words, the dragon reared back and lit Merlin's resting place on fire. Aithusa wasn't bothered by it, and just let out a mournful little keen that made the backs of those gathered necks prickle.

And they watched as the body of the great warlock Emrys, the manservant Merlin, was consumed in tongues of flame.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

** aww… bye bye merlin! Or is it…?**

**~DeaththeKidKat**


	3. Hidden Angels

**Okay, replying to some unsigned reviews…**

_**ShiverMeFunzies: **_**awesome screen name, by the way. Just had to say that. *ahem* and, did you notice anything particular about Kilgarrah's farewell speech? ;) sorry if it isn't clear, I tried… but… D:**

_**SmileyMiley:**_** don't worry. I have a **_**huge **_**concert today (just wanna say I'm writing this particular AN on Tuesday… the concert day… I may post this tomorrow or something. :3) so I won't get much done, but I try.**

**As for the rest of you… **_**keep reviewing!**_** U make me very happy! :D**

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

"I just can't believe… he's gone," Gwen whispered, on the verge of tears again as she watched the flames lick up the wood and consume the warlock and his white dragon guardian in white-hot tongues. Dragon's fire was really something – much brighter than any manmade fire, and the fortunate advantage of no smoke, with a blue tinge at the edges.

Arthur squeezed her hand, but continued to stare ahead blankly, eyes dull and reflecting the firelight. After a while Aithusa let out another keening wail and flew away, adding his own small burst of random fire to the body of his kin. Then the small scaly creature lofted himself up on top of Kilgarrah, nestling into the scales where Merlin once sat, whooping as the icy night air rushed by him. With what sounded awfully like a sniffle, Aithusa regarded his new friends sadly, before his guardian took off with a mighty beating of wings. The dragon soared over the bonfire, dropping one last item from the sky.

Seeing it made all those watching wipe their eyes furiously. It was a feather – but not just any feather. Spotted gray, black, and brown, with the familiar markings…

The feather of a merlin. The flames slowly consumed it, but by some miracle – more likely magic – the feather stayed intact as it fluttered a bit on the chest of the man named after it. Merlin. Emrys. The immortal warlock. The clumsy manservant. And the greatest hero.

"What do we do now?" Elyan asked, his voice hollow. Leon glanced at him, then at Arthur to see how the king would react. There was no response. The once proud and, yes, _prattish_ king had lost all of his swagger. He simply stood, swaying the tiniest bit, regretting all he had done and all he could have done for his best friend.

"We must take back Camelot," Percival said heavily. The other knights, excepting Gwaine and Arthur, nodded their heads. "We owe him our lives. And while we can't repay him, let's honor his memory by saving the kingdom he sacrificed everything for," the knight continued quietly.

Gwaine clenched the hilt of his sword, knuckles probably white underneath his buckskin gloves. "I'll kill Morgana," he hissed through gritted teeth. "I'll stab her a million times over to pay her back for what she did to Merlin."

Nobody, for once, protested to the headstrong announcement.

"I think I know where we can find help…" Gaius said with a small smile. The others looked up, then nodded and started to set up camp in the trees a little ways from the pyre. Nobody noticed as the old physician lingered, gazing at the body of his ward, who had still not been burned in the slightest. Magic, of course. And Gaius had his suspicions why. Before he turned and joined the escaping troupe, he grinned at Merlin and mouthed the words, _'thank you.'___Then he settled down around a smaller fire a few hundred yards away, where Gwen was cooking.

But none of them noticed the small flash of a pale-lipped smile that flickered in the flames, a quiet and familiar chuckle, and the glimpse of a bright red neckerchief.

o.O.o

"So where is this friend?" Gwaine demanded impatiently, using his sword to hack through the underbrush. Gaius frowned at him, about to reprimand the young knight for leaving a clear trail that indicated _exactly_ where they were heading, when both were surprised by someone else butting in.

"Yes, it would be best if we knew," Arthur commented distantly, not paying attention to the startled looks it earned him. If he regained his voice, hopefully soon he'd regain the sparkle in his eyes. Gwen, however, could tell at a glance that the only thing that would restore Arthur's hope was if Merlin was there to grin that goofy smile at them. She wished with all her heart it could happen.

She obviously didn't see the same goofy grin she'd wished for that flickered in the fire blazing on the end of Percival's torch, the one they carried so they wouldn't have to light a new fire every time they made camp.

Arthur's guardian angel was still there, yet none of them knew it.

Maybe someday there would be enough magic to light a clear sign to show the friends what they'd neglected to see. But not today. Not yet. This the dragon had known.

As they trekked through the trees, Leon and Arthur stopped simultaneously. Gwaine glanced back and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"This is Queen Annis' kingdom…" Leon said hesitantly. "And after our last meeting, she would be much less than happy to see us again. Even if she did commend Arthur on his bravery and the fact he'd proved himself as a good and just king."

Arthur shivered at his knight's words, but said nothing.

This hiking was making Gaius' bones ache, so he settled down on a log for a moment and caught his breath. "I'm afraid that the person we need to see is deep in the Forest of Ascetir. The only way to avoid the bulk of Cenred's armies is to travel this way, a roundabout route through Annis' kingdom. We could cut through the Valley of the Fallen Kings…" at this his voice trailed off. Everyone but Arthur looked apprehensive.

"Is there _any_ other way?" Elyan asked hopefully, but knew the answer the minute he saw Gaius' sigh.

"I'm afraid not, my boy."

"We'll do it anyways," Arthur ordered, again out of the blue. "If this person can help us take back my kingdom and avenge my friend, I will gladly go to him. Let's push on."

Again, more shocked glances trailed after the king, but the rest followed. A pair of deep blue eyes watched worriedly from the fire, still unnoticed.

Leave it to the prat to need help from a torch.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

**XD so now can you guess what happened? I'm sorry to have burned Merlin. I know his greatest fear was the pyre. But, alas, fire it is. And again, I'm very sorry – the places like Annis' kingdom, the Valley of the Fallen Kings, the Forest of Ascetir, and Cenred's kingdom are probably way off. I do not understand most of the Merlin geography. Sigh.**

**~DeaththeKidKat**


	4. Hope in the Flames

**Back! Man, I'm sorry it took more than a week to update this. Sigh. :( but I'm back, with more Torch Merlin! Blame Maui. It was awesome. Aaah, spring break… :) unfortunately, due to VERY ANNOYING SCHOOL, I have barely any time to update. This is, sorry, a little more than a preview for the next chapter. It pains me to admit… but I'm falling **_**way**_** behind in some of my fanfic writing. sorry again. But here's more ADL anyways!**

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><p>"Sire, are you sure we want to go through the valley of the Fallen Kings?" Leon asked with a raised eyebrow, sitting on a log opposite Arthur. There was no answer. As usual, the King was withdrawn and unresponsive, often lapsing into silence for long periods of time in which none but Gwen could coax an answer out of him, and even she only got one or two syllable grunts. It was clear how heavily Merlin's death weighed on his mind. Nothing could console him.<p>

Which was why almost everyone seated around the campfire jumped when Arthur let out a yelp and started backwards, away from the fire. For a second, he could have sworn he'd seen a flash of… familiar cerulean eyes.

"What is it, Arthur?" Gwen asked worriedly. Her husband stared at the fire a moment longer, then shook his head sharply and glanced away, not letting anybody see the glimmer of deep regret and nostalgia in his equally blue eyes. Everyone's eyes flicked around to each other's faces, before settling back on their king.

"I thought I saw… nevermind." The blonde buried his head between his knees from where he crouched on the ground, waving them away with a flick of his hand. They shrugged and swiveled back to the fire.

Gwaine sighed. "Well, he's not the only one imagining things." He watched the flames with a dark, brooding look. Cautiously, Elyan nodded assent, as did Percival and a reluctant Gaius. This only served to give their leader a little misguided hope.

"Then maybe we're not… that is, _imagining things_," Arthur said excitedly. "What if he really is there? He's this so-called super-powerful warlock thingy, after all." This was probably more than he'd said total in the last forty-eight hours, when they'd said goodbye to Kilgarrah and made their way into the forest, leaving the flames where Merlin lay far behind.

Gaius let out a gasp. "Sire, that's it! I told him not to use such a spell, it would be extremely dangerous… but if he'd succeeded… then _maybe_…"

"Maybe what?" Arthur asked urgently, moving closer to the physician. "You know what spell he did? But… when would he have had a chance to do this? Maybe while we were fleeing… or while the dragon was carrying him…"

Percival shook his head. "No. In the throne room. Right after Morgana stabbed him, he muttered something before falling. Didn't you notice?" Leon raised his hand slightly with a very small smile.

"I thought I was seeing things," the knight admitted. "But what spell was it, Gaius?"

The old physician smiled. "Ah, it's ancient and requires a lot of power… but with Merlin, I suspect he'd have had a fighting chance, even if he was dying. It allows the user's _essence_ – their spirit essentially – to escape into the element of their choice. Some choose water – not all of the nymphs you can see in magic-concentrated places were born there, you know. Some choose earth, escaping into the rocks. That's how the myth of the Singing Hills was created, real spirits singing to their lost ones. Some choose air, and become the whispering wind that drifts through places where lost souls need it most. And some… choose fire. They become one with the flames, can flit from fire to fire, unseen unless they want to be."

"So you think… Merlin chose fire?" Gwen whispered, eyes alight with hope. Gaius nodded, and moved closer to the campfire.

"Merlin? If you can hear us… will you show yourself?" he whispered, peering into the fire, searching for his beloved ward. A soft, almost musical laugh flitted from the flames, twisting through the smoke and reaching their ears. Everyone started a little bit. "Merlin!" Gaius exclaimed. "Is that you?"

"What do you think…?" came the reply, barely even a whisper. In the red and orange of the flames, familiar deep blue eyes flashed for a moment, and that small goofy grin they'd all missed. "Seems you all _missed _me… even the prat…"

Arthur growled slightly, but his smile was almost splitting his face in half. "Come on, _idiot._ Show your face and stay there for a minute."

There was a small, sad sigh, and the blue eyes that could be glimpsed wavered a moment. "Sorry… no… I'm using too much energy just talking to you… you have to give me a while before I'm back to full strength… you'd never know it, prat… but dying _does _take a lot out of you…"

That seemed to sober everyone up fast. "Hey, mate…" Gwaine said quietly. "You'll come back, won't you?" The others fell silent, and the flames sputtered for a moment. Another sigh twirled its way out of the smoke, and the blue eyes closed then disappeared. _Please, please, please come back... _was their only thought.

"Of course… I will…" the answer laughed. "But it might take a few months… maybe a year… until I have enough strength and enough _magic_… to separate myself from the fire… I'll still help you in taking back Camelot, don't worry… just try to light the palace on… _fire…_" Then he was gone. Gwaine started frantically calling his best friend's name, almost leaping into the campfire to see. Gwen held him back and choked back her own sorrowful cry. Arthur was left staring into the flames…

… with a goofy grin on his face.

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><p><strong>That was possibly the SMALLEST chapter I have ever written. Shoot me now, I know. This is more of a teaserfiller than anything else… the next chapter will be at LEAST 3,000 words, don't worry. Sigh. School work is killing me… I'll do my best to update everything over the weekend.**

**~DeaththeKidKat**


	5. Chat Around the Campfire

**Agh… it's been so long since I updated… sincerest apologies. Really. Buuuuuut… now you have it… teh new chappie of A Destiny Lost!**

**(pardon the length. -.- I am soooo tired…)**

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><p>"Sire, you know Camelot's defenses inside out," Gaius started. "We'll need your help in finding the siege tunnels, or some other means of getting into the castle. We should start planning now, even though we're going to take refuge outside Camelot's borders for a while."<p>

"About that," Gwaine interrupted. "Who are we staying with?"

The physician smiled sadly. "Actually, two stops. I believe we should stay a night in a nearby village, then continue on to someplace else. I have a few acquaintances in a forest near Mercier."

Gwaine shrugged and started building a small fireplace. It was already dusk, and the only light they had was from Percival's torch. They hadn't dared put out that fire, for a few reasons – light, warmth, an easy way to light the fire at every new campsite, and… Merlin. He could stay with them as long as the flame was kept alight. "Hey, Perce!" the knight called. "Come here and lend me a few sparks, would you?" Percival held the torch to the small teepee of wood until it caught the sparks and flared up into a small cozy fire. As had become their new little 'tradition,' the group gathered around the fire and set up their only pot to let Gaius and Gwen do the cooking. It was obvious in the way that both physician and Queen paused and stopped stirring for a moment, just gazing into the leaping flames, waiting for the flash of blue eyes. Sometimes none came, sometimes there was a brief glimpse of a red neckerchief or a quick grin. Merlin was still there, watching.

"Think he can hear us?" Elyan asked softly, prodding the coals with a stick.

_Stop poking me. Of course I can hear you._

All of them leapt back, then Gwaine started a round of laughter. A quick, soft laugh emanated from the fire as well.

_Although I can't do this all the time. It takes a lot of magical energy. I'll try and keep it for important instances. But yes, I am here. And I can hear you. And you can't exactly talk behind my back, for it seems I don't really have one anymore… oh, great. I have to go. Another water spirit begging for my attention. _Two eyes appeared in the flames, and one winked. _I'm kidding. Gaius… remember Freya? Tell them if you want, I'll be back in a flash. _And the eyes disappeared.

Leon raised an eyebrow at Gaius. "Who's Freya?"

The physician sighed. "Merlin's… ah, how do I put this… she's a girl. Merlin's, ah, girl."

All was silent for a moment, when Arthur led the outburst of bellowing laughs. "Merlin… has… a girlfriend?" the King wheezed. Gwen smacked him across the head.

"Yes." Gaius narrowed his eyes. "And you'll want to sober up for this, too. She's dead."

They sobered up.

"How did she die?" Gwen whispered.

Merlin reappeared in the fire (more like, his eyes flashed quickly). _You probably don't want to know that._

"Yes we do!" Arthur protested. "We can help you hunt down her killer, once you're back."

_What? Nah, I forgave him. Plus, you'd be running around in circles._

The King pouted. "Give us some credit, _Mer_lin. We're not that bad."

_That's not what I meant. **You **killed her._

Oh, yeah. They were past laughing now.

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><p><strong>Mleh… I have so many fics to update… I may just keep it like this, update more often but with shorter chapters. Or… hey, let's have a vote! Review and tell me weather you'd rather I'd:<strong>

**~Write short chapters, but regularly. (probably at least once a week.)**

**~Write long chapters, but only update once or twice a month.**

_**~DeaththeKidKat**_


	6. Good to Have You Back

**In my defense, I'm writing most of this during my lunch recess. -3- so don't expect super amazing things. Or an especially long chapter. GAH. I'd inform you more of my pathetic life, but I 1) don't have the time and 2) am really depressed right now. Maybe I'll explain in the next chapter. Maybe.**

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><p><span>A Destiny Lost Chapter 6<span>

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><p>"I did?" Arthur asked awkwardly.<p>

A small sigh resonated from the sparks. _Yes. But like I said, I forgave you a long time ago. We both did._

"Do you mean she was that druid girl? You know, a couple years ago? I remember because of that monstrous Halig man," Gwen added. "He was absolutely horrid. I couldn't walk to the well to get water without being stopped and questioned."

_That's Freya. She lives in the Lake of Avalon now.__ A... guardian of a sort._

"So..." Gwaine grinned. "On to the next order of business. You realize we've been talking for an hour now, right? We need sleep. Unlike _some _people who get to live in a campfire."

_At least you can_ _sleep,_ Merlin pointed out grumpily. _I haven't tried yet, but I don't think I can. Which basically means I get to stay up all night guarding your sorry backsides._

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Careful, Merlin. As soon as you're back you're going to be cleaning out several leech tanks." The others laughed, while Merlin groaned. "Besides, Gwaine is right. We need our sleep. Merlin can keep watch."

Elyan chortled. "Never thought I'd see the day, when Merlin of all people would be trusted with watch."

_Hang on! _the warlock protested. _I've kept watch for you ungrateful lot before. Plenty of times, on hunting trips and such._

"Yes, but we always had a backup awake so that you wouldn't fall asleep and get us killed," Leon added in a carrying whisper. The knights laughed.

Merlin grumbled, then snickered briefly. A small _whoosh_ sound was heard, and a swirl of sparks flurried towards Arthur and the knights, igniting several holes in their blankets. "_Mer_lin!" Arthur yelled. "That does it, you're mending this when you get back! In fact, I have several chores you're going to be taking care of!" His manservant groaned but didn't argue.

As they were all settling down to sleep, Arthur leaned forward and whispered, "It's good to have you back."

And he swore, just before closing his eyes, he heard a small reply:

_Good to see you too... prat._

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><p><strong>Mleh. Short. Shoot me. *explodes* nevermind, I spontaneously cmobusted on my own.<strong>

_**~DeaththeKidKat~**_


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